When I teach social media marketing, I tell my students and clients that customer experience is paramount. We want to make everyone with whom we engage feel welcomed and empowered. Inevitably, someone will leave a negative comment about our business or product. And naturally, our first instinct will be to get defensive — after all, something that we’ve invested so much time and energy is being challenged; it’s hard not to take that personally. However, instead of responding reactively to the comment, businesses are best served by acknowledging the commenter. A simple, “I’m sorry. That’s sucks, how I can I help?” can de-escalate the situation, make the person feel seen, and work towards an effective resolution.
As people, human experience is also important. We want to have positive interactions with our friends, family, neighbors, and community. When we say something that is insensitive, uninformed, untrue, or unjust, inevitably someone will call us out on it. And naturally, our first instinct will be to get defensive — after all, when challenged we often take it personally. But, what if we didn’t react that way? What if we acknowledged the person? What if we saw it as an opportunity to acknowledge the insights shared, learn, understand, and be better?
It’s uncomfortable to be wrong about things. But we, especially white people, need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
When we don’t know something, it can make us feel exposed and vulnerable. And that’s okay. Being vulnerable can be uncomfortable. And that’s okay. In these moments, let’s recognize what makes us uncomfortable. Is it the embarrassment of not knowing? Is it shame for making someone else feel bad or uncomfortable?
Instead of acting defensively, let’s train ourselves to be proactive. Let’s take responsibility for our mistakes, our poor choice of words, our micro-aggressions, our privilege. When we acknowledge that we hear others, see others, and accept ourselves as being a work in progress, our defenses come down, and we are more likely to learn, to grow, to evolve.
When we get comfortable with being uncomfortable, change happens. Will it be easy? Probably not. But nothing that is worth doing ever is. It’s time to do the hard work.